"Sometimes you just gotta lose this battle in order to win the war" - I honestly forgotten where I read or heard this from but this is what I am doing now.
I notice I have not been bloggin about anything since 24th Feb 2009. I was too busy with work and family. During the course of being busy, I also notice I have lost a few friends along the way. Losing friends along the way is sometimes the way of life as none of us are perfect people and most of us tends to 'abuse' our friends when we are in a foul mood.
My blood pressure has been staying at 150/100 most of the time. Doctor has given me alot of Medical Leaves but I am afraid I can't take anymore of it due to the fact I am still not a confirmed staff until 11th November 2009. You guys won't believe how many type of pills I need to swallow now! Medicine plus my vitamins, its like 7 pills each day! Yuck, but what the heck, I didn't take good care of my health and now I'm paying the price - literally speaking.
Doctor has advice me to cut down smoking, fatty food (which is incidentally my favourite foods!) eg. Nasi Lemak, KFC, MCD, Bak Kut Teh and etc.. Also to do more exercise plus eating alot alot alot of things i hate most - vegetables and fish! Ok, this advice arises from the fact that is proven clearly in my latest medical results. I am in the VERY HIGH risk group of getting stroke or heart attack. Sigh, and you wonder life just begun at age of 30!
But, my problems at work is also one major contributor to my current health. Honestly, I regretted that I left my previous job and this 'bold' move I made was the biggest and stupidest decision I have ever made. I miss my old job and my old company (even china-man company has better benefits!!!). I have been having problems with my direct boss since the 3rd week after I joined them. We are always on the opposite end of our direction and views. She is good in presentation and theories but operationally (i mean "physical operations"), she is not well-versed in it. But of course, I am also flawed in many other ways which is presentations and theories but my strongest point is running operations.
We have a new HOD since last July and the 'in-fighting' between me and my manager has reached his ears and also our CEO ears. We were called in for a meeting and thrashed out all our differences. I was being pointed alot at fault while the HOD seems to be more interested in standing by her side. I was told to 'tone down' my voice and work with her. For God sake, I never planned to work against her! Just that she doesn't hear my opinions on operations and take them into consideration while she's drafting all her cute lil' presentation slides. The final straw for me was she posted out the RFQ without even discussing with me on the operational matters. I was dead pissed off when that happened and emailed very 'politely' asking for a copy of the RFQ to go through and promised her I won't comment nor give any opinions but just to follow whatever is in the RFQ. Also, I told her very clearly if this RFQ fucks up the operations, I will not be responsible for any of it! I guess I made her thought about it that why she forced me to join in the negotiations with the 3rd Party Warehouse provider and give my insights on the operations view in the eyes as a manufacturer. So, now I have no choice but to get involve and at the same time have to figure a way how not to put her presentation down / rfq request down and at the same time save her 'face' infront of 3rd party.
Then comes all those silly request like 'find me this guy / that guy / that company phone number', 'upload this file / that file to the server' and many other mundane task which I am sure our clerk can handle. But the biggest was when she threaten me with "You go or I go". I blew up again. But this time, I kept my cool. I forced whatever anger or emotions I had deep into my heart and hold my breath till I turn blue. I cannot lose this job at this time. I need the salary to keep my family afloat and I had to keep calm. That's what I told myself. From then onwards, I decided to give in to every of her fancy and whims. I had to do it. I had to be a sissy instead of my old usual self where I command and things moved.
Never in my life I felt so humilated. I didn't felt being humbled but being insulted and humilated. I had to lose my dignity in order to survive. I hanged myself up to being step at and being ordered around without reasonings.
But this is life and this was what my many 'mentors' have been telling me a long time ago. "You will one day need to be insulted and humilated because you need to survive. But take it in your stride, if you pull this through, you will come out stronger than before." I am lucky to have so many 'mentors' as well as good friends. Even friends I made in my new company such as Lim Wee Choon is always there for me to let me burst out to him and also advices me when I feel so frustrated during working hours. He is my most understanding friend I had in the company. Infact, he is the only one I trust in the company to be a friend. The rest of my colleagues are just colleagues to me cuz we don't talk to each other that much.
I better stop here now. There are many more other things for me to follow up. Life is never great so please go smack that person if he/she says life is a wonderful and great thing to have! :P Just kidding guys.
Ya all have a great week ahead and if any of my indian friends follow this blog of mine, I want to take the opportunity to wish you guys "HAPPY DEEPAVALI! MAY YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ALWAYS BE GREAT HEALTH AND WITH LOTS OF WEALTH!"
